I've been feeling weighed down lately.
I've prayed so many times and sang it in my favorite song, just this Sunday.
Father, break my heart for what breaks yours.
But, goodness gracious, I need to follow it up with give me Your Strength, Lord.
because it hurts.
this world is so broken.
My heart is breaking for so many people.
For my friend, as a mother having to make decisions no mother should ever have to make about her 8 year old daughter's life. Her LIFE, literally. Sweet Jesus be near. Guide her, God, because YOU are the Giver of Life and the Almighty Physician and only You know the plan for Emily's life. I look at my Zack who is the same age as her, and I don't know how to fathom that. I've shed many tears. Too much pain, Lord.
For my childhood friend who just found out she has to fight for her life against breast cancer again.
For my dear sweet neighbors, who are like another set of grandparents to me and my children, who just found out that he has lung cancer.
Cancer SUCKS, can I get an Amen?
For the sweet elderly lady at my church going through chemo (again), yet she still comes every Wednesday night and Sunday morning and still serves her God. And her darling husband who never ceases to find my Elli and love on her a bit twice a week. Elli has taken a little crush on her "Bob" I think. It's so sweet and endearing. Please let us keep them there with us for a long time, Lord.
For my own grandmother, grieving the love of her life and not finding any kind of peace at all yet. :( My heart breaks for her hurting heart. My hurting heart still cries and misses my grandpa too. Elli talks about him nearly every day and says she misses Great Grandpa.
For hurting marriages.
For friends who are sick, and those who are longing for more.
For my son who is struggling with a really bad attitude, especially at soccer against his coach who also happens to be his dad, which is so very hard to watch knowing that he can do so much better if he just applied himself and worked hard, yet wanting him to love it still and have fun too because life is too short not to enjoy what you do. Struggling to find that fine line to walk upon.
Kids fighting, disobeying, being rude, Embarrassing.
house falling apart
insecure vehicles
insecure Me
feeling ugly
being honest
loving myself, yet hating myself
heart vs mind
eternal thinking vs worldly stinking
Feeling stuck.
I feel stuck in our current circumstances and I don't see a light at the end of the tunnel at this point. I crave space, but there's no space to be found, anywhere. (Physically and personally) I feel stuck in a place much too small for us. I can't picture how it will work out in another year or two or more. But there's nothing I can do about it, so I have to trust that God has a plan. And just do the best that I can with what I have to work with right now. I've given up on planning for the future and am just concentrating on finding joy right here, right now.
I'm being intentional in this moment.
Even when it hurts.
Even when it's hard.
Even when it all seems to just fall apart.
I will let go.
I will lay it down.
I will run to the One Love that's bigger than us all.
I will let Him steady my heart.
I will also rejoice.
I will find perspective. Daily.
I will give thanks.
I will celebrate with friends over the answer to seven years of constant prayer, and delight in seeing His perfect plan unfolding for them.
I've prayed so many times and sang it in my favorite song, just this Sunday.
Father, break my heart for what breaks yours.
But, goodness gracious, I need to follow it up with give me Your Strength, Lord.
because it hurts.
this world is so broken.
My heart is breaking for so many people.
For my friend, as a mother having to make decisions no mother should ever have to make about her 8 year old daughter's life. Her LIFE, literally. Sweet Jesus be near. Guide her, God, because YOU are the Giver of Life and the Almighty Physician and only You know the plan for Emily's life. I look at my Zack who is the same age as her, and I don't know how to fathom that. I've shed many tears. Too much pain, Lord.
For my childhood friend who just found out she has to fight for her life against breast cancer again.
For my dear sweet neighbors, who are like another set of grandparents to me and my children, who just found out that he has lung cancer.
Cancer SUCKS, can I get an Amen?
For the sweet elderly lady at my church going through chemo (again), yet she still comes every Wednesday night and Sunday morning and still serves her God. And her darling husband who never ceases to find my Elli and love on her a bit twice a week. Elli has taken a little crush on her "Bob" I think. It's so sweet and endearing. Please let us keep them there with us for a long time, Lord.
For my own grandmother, grieving the love of her life and not finding any kind of peace at all yet. :( My heart breaks for her hurting heart. My hurting heart still cries and misses my grandpa too. Elli talks about him nearly every day and says she misses Great Grandpa.
For hurting marriages.
For friends who are sick, and those who are longing for more.
For my son who is struggling with a really bad attitude, especially at soccer against his coach who also happens to be his dad, which is so very hard to watch knowing that he can do so much better if he just applied himself and worked hard, yet wanting him to love it still and have fun too because life is too short not to enjoy what you do. Struggling to find that fine line to walk upon.
Kids fighting, disobeying, being rude, Embarrassing.
house falling apart
insecure vehicles
insecure Me
feeling ugly
being honest
loving myself, yet hating myself
heart vs mind
eternal thinking vs worldly stinking
Feeling stuck.
I feel stuck in our current circumstances and I don't see a light at the end of the tunnel at this point. I crave space, but there's no space to be found, anywhere. (Physically and personally) I feel stuck in a place much too small for us. I can't picture how it will work out in another year or two or more. But there's nothing I can do about it, so I have to trust that God has a plan. And just do the best that I can with what I have to work with right now. I've given up on planning for the future and am just concentrating on finding joy right here, right now.
I'm being intentional in this moment.
Even when it hurts.
Even when it's hard.
Even when it all seems to just fall apart.
I will let go.
I will lay it down.
I will run to the One Love that's bigger than us all.
I will let Him steady my heart.
I will also rejoice.
I will find perspective. Daily.
I will give thanks.
I will celebrate with friends over the answer to seven years of constant prayer, and delight in seeing His perfect plan unfolding for them.
Instead of looking at how ugly I think I look in the mirror, I will listen to my beautiful daughter who looked up at me last night after our shower as I moisturized my blotchy red face and ran a comb through my awkward growing-it-out hair and said "Mommy you look so pretty".
Instead of lamenting yet another not-full night's sleep, I will snuggle up my girl and awake in complete happiness like I did this morning with her all wrapped around my arm snuggled in so warm and cuddly where she seems to be have been designed to fit perfectly spooned in my not-loved body. It is loved indeed. The fresh smell of her hair was intoxicating. I could hardly bring myself to get up. I stayed in bed an extra 20 minutes and had to rush to get ready! Plus I had slept on my wet hair and it was scary looking. Luke told me I had Bieber-like sweepover wings going but was an epic fail when I tried to do the head toss. ;-) Which was not quite as classic as Elli's remark as I had thrown a headband on my awkward growing-it-out head of hair on Saturday and she said "uh, mom, what is up with your hair?" I will be grateful that I have hair, however awkward it may look right now.
I will choose joy.
Daily. God Help Me.
Steady my heart, Lord.
When I waver, when I fall flat on my face, when I forget how faithful You are,
Steady my heart, Lord.
I will choose joy.
Daily. God Help Me.
Steady my heart, Lord.
When I waver, when I fall flat on my face, when I forget how faithful You are,
Steady my heart, Lord.
Wish it could be easy
Why is life so messy
Why is pain a part of us
There are days I feel like
Nothing ever goes right
Sometimes it just hurts so much
But You're here
You're real
I know I can trust You
Even when it hurts
Even when it's hard
Even when it all just falls apart
I will run to You
Cause I know that You are
Lover of my soul
Healer of my scars
You steady my heart
You steady my heart
I'm not gonna worry
I know that You got me
Right inside the palm of your hand
Each and every moment
What's good and what gets broken
Happens just the way that You plan
And I will run to You
You're my refuge in Your arms
And I will sing to You
Cause of everything You are
You steady my heart
You steady my heart
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